I can’t do x-days long challenges

Three calendars with filled fields

100 days of something, 365 days of something else, Inktobers, Vlogtobers, NaNoWriMo. I tried couple of them in last ten years. And failed miserably every single time.

I can’t say that I failed at them because I didn’t tried enough. I failed because my brain wiring isn’t just a little bit different. It’s very different compared to neurotypical people but I can keep a façade of normal human who can keep a job, do great work even if I hate the technology with which I have to work with, I have a support network of people who just don’t happen to be in my current meatspace. (Un)fortunately I have more than a handful of neurodivergent (ND) traits.

I am not complaining that I am not a neurotypical person. Without my ND traits I would be on a completely different career path, perhaps I might have more meatspace people in my life and less cyberspace friends, but that’s pretty much it. Also it might be more bearable to go to groceries, choosing what to eat wouldn’t be guesswork what is safe and human interaction would be less exhausting.

On the other hand I might not have that great interest in web technologies. I wouldn’t also get to know a lot of interesting people which would prevent me from developing greater empathy for disabled users of the things that I create. I like being neurodivergent even when people try to make me feel awful because I don’t conform to their ideas of how I should behave.

The only thing that I wish was different is not having to count spoons. Keeping façade of normalcy can be exhausting enough but when you throw in a task to make every day something which should be different but it also should stick to a topic it can lead to burn out. Even neurotypicals who did 365 challenge said that doing it was hard because it’s always at the back of your mind all the time.

With all that in mind I am happy that today is Friday and I won’t be publishing anything tomorrow. Have {{insert word}}1 weekend! And take care of yourselves.

  1. This is not a mistake or bug