Starting with Laravel #1 – Setting up dev environment

Server on cloud saying "Hi! I am your imaginary friend"

As I have written in a post about my skills I wanted to try a PHP framework after a while, other than WordPress which I haven’t seen since I started working at my day job. My poison of choice in this case is framework called Laravel. There was no special reason I just read about it sometime ago and liked it enough to remember its name. Also I don’t like Nette because of historical reasons1. Continue reading “Starting with Laravel #1 – Setting up dev environment”

  1. When I tried it for the first time couple of years ago it had no documentation and I hate flying bat style

[Update 2016] Workaholism: The other side


Last year I wrote about effects of my mother’s workaholism on my personal blog. This year I want to write an update.

TLDR: Good – I feel better. Bad – I feel stuck in a different way and I will write about it in a different post.

Lost memories

Since last year I have recovered a lot of memories which faded soon after I processed them. Writing was the integral part of that recovery, not just journaling but writing fiction too. For some reason putting characters into remotely similar postions as I was in is helpful. Most of this happened during NaNoWriMo last November. First NaNoWriMo which I have took part in. Unfortunately after recovering my memories I haven’t felt the need to continue to write.

Second moment when I was able to recover most painful memories was this summer. Since the end of last year I started having an obsession/special interest with body modification, especially piercings and “heavy” mods like tongue splitting and ear pointing. Tattoos at that time weren’t interesting at all. I always loved zmashd’s dermal anchor, on a nose bridge. When I got the same piercing in Riga1 in August, I was mentally paralyzed because I still had some problems with ownership of my own body.

For some reason quite a big number of abusive parents have an obsession with their kid’s acne and popping them. In my case my mother hated it and forced me to lie still while she popped them. Not just the ones with visible white dot but also those which were just red. Experiencing pain and not being able to do anything about it makes you dissociate.

Even though I could vaguely remember it I wasn’t able to process it until August.


My dyslexia is at the moment at a weird place. Most of the time I can read quite well but sometimes I can’t, especially when I am tired. At those moments I am using either screen reader or I try to find a video content because moving pictures are easier to process. It’s about problem solving which is something I have become quite good since the Crash more than two years ago.

Recent job hunt made me realize that even though I can make phone calls, I couldn’t six months ago, I need to limit the amount of people I am interacting with or write everything down on a white board or something. I still have problems remembering names and faces. Did I mention that I didn’t recognize my own mother when I saw her in January?


I am definitely better than I was last year during this time. My neurodiverse traits are not affecting me as negatively as they used to or I am better at using assistive technology. With my mother out of my life, life is definitely better but hard too. Keep swimming

  1. Whenever you want to get unusual piercing or heavy mod, choose the artist wisely, very wisely, and don’t rush it.


Blackboard with text: "New Teacher: Sarah Gebauer"

I wrote on Reddit in one of the support groups for adult children of abusive and/or neglectful parents that I never feel that I know enough. It took me a long time to overcome this feeling to be able to proudly say that I know more than enough of CSS and HTML to start my own business. This week I am adding a new thing into my portfolio, video courses. Continue reading “Teaching”

Side projects log #5 – Rethinking

Black lines sketch of Lonew Wolf

Web comic

When I started Lone Wolf comic two years ago I was quite lonely and I found inspiration in lone wolves1, the animals not humans. Lone wolves are wolves who don’t have family to form a pack. For a long time I didn’t have people who treated me well in my life but that changed in last two years. So for the time being I am going to take a break from this side project2.

Illustration of a robot with four wheels and two hand like thingiesPrevious paragraph doesn’t mean that I am done with comics format. Au contraire. I love this format more than short stories, novellas, novelettes, novels or pure illustrations. Text and images are great for semi-verbal person like me because I can choose what is primary and what is secondary information.

The second thing I love is math, including applied math called physics. So meet Kiti who will be a protagonist of my next web comic around math and physics. This means that I will have to design a new theme for it. I am not sure if I’ll go with child theme or full theme but the latter option is more probable.


It’s sixth week of my challenge and I am in a dip3. It’s hard to make videos, partly because I have to deal with some old personal things4 and partly because I have currently very bad internet connection and have go to the city to upload them.

Have a great weekend!


  1. Anyone like Isis, the metal band from Boston? No? Good enough, I prefer Finnish metal
  2. As usual I’ll probably find another reason to continue after I publish this post
  3. Seth Godin’s The dip
  4. I gave up on a fantasy that flashbacks will stop happening, instead I treat them as Romulans in James Tiberius Kirk days